If you’re not actually doing something to solve a problem it’s best not to think about it at all. Dwelling is emotionally exhausting and a waste of time.
Of course this doesn’t rule out grieving. Contemplation of a lost one is a vital part of learning to cope without them. Appropriate grieving is very much doing something about a problem. Suppress such thoughts at your peril.
But grieving also demonstrates the cut-off. Excessive grieving, that which lingers and strips your ability to function properly in the world is clearly an enemy, something to stand up to. Gloomy ceaseless grieving certainly happens, but it’s always a pity. It does no-one any favours.
It’s the same all the way down to more trivial problems. Bemoaning that fact that you didn’t get what you wanted or weren’t treated well is worse than pointless. Spilling your sorrows to a trusted friend or professional can be very rewarding of course, but regurgitating your problems to all-and-sundry is draining, and it certainly doesn’t make for good company.
Describing one’s sorrows is contemplating one’s sorrows, and that’s never a happy time. Unless you are actually in the process of petitioning someone for assistance it’s best to keep it to yourself – and indeed from yourself. There’s a limit to how long any insoluble problem should bark away in a human mind. Once you’ve mulled all the useful lessons you can from a bad experience or bad news, there’s nothing more to be gained by thinking about it. Put it to bed, think about something else. Return to it refreshed.
Easier said than done of course. Worries play for our attention, but perhaps certain other beliefs weaken our guard. Perhaps we fear that if aren’t constantly fretting about a problem we’re neglecting it – neglecting the issue of the errant lover, ailing business or missing child.
But it can’t be neglect if you’re not in a position to do anything. If all you have to offer are painful impotent thoughts it’s time to change the record. There’s nothing to be gained by wallowing in sorrow, but a lot to lose. Rather than a duty, dwelling is a costly indulgence.
